But First …

You guys. Please don’t give up on me.

I used to blog almost DAILY. Now I’m down to like one post a week. What the hell has she been doing?! I bet that’s what you’re wondering. If you’ve even noticed … and I’m pretending that you have.

What the hell have I been doing?!

What the hell have I been doing?!

I don’t know what the hell I’ve been doing. I guess I’ve been busy being a mom and a mediocre member of the PTA.

I was sick for awhile. I looked like this for so many days in a row …

I don't know why I watermarked this photo ... is anyone really going to want to steal it? No.

I don’t know why I watermarked this photo … is anyone really going to want to steal it? No.

… That my three-year-old drew a picture of me. There’s an uncanny resemblance.

This is what I look like, apparently.

This is what I look like, apparently.

It’s Friday, bitches! And that means that tonight I get to check out of my usual duties, have a big glass of wine, and have Virtual Happy Hour with YOU!

But first … I have to go get a vaginal ultrasound.

It’s gonna be a great day.

(If you liked this post, then you will LOVE I Still Just Want To Pee Alone! Click here to find out more!)

The Slacker Mom Table.

The PTA is hosting a “movie night” at the school with pizza, hot dogs, and a bake sale to raise money for a new playground. I got the flier in my son’s paperwork on Friday, which said to send wrapped baked goods with your child on Monday.

Which is today. And I forgot. Of course I did.

So this morning, I got him on the bus and then dressed the little kids and went to the grocery store for some of those bakery cookies with icing on them … you know the ones. I bought three huge containers of them and took them to the school. Two secretaries were sitting in the entryway when I walked in.

I explained that these cookies were for the bake sale, and then I said, “I’m sorry, I know they aren’t individually wrapped — is that a problem? I guess I’m a slacker mom.”

Secretary #1 said “That’s fine,” at the same time that Secretary #2 pointed to a table behind me and said “You can put them over there on the Slacker Mom table.”

I turned around and spotted a sad little table that was filled with sad little boxed bakery goods. There was no flair. No cellophane wrappers with ribbons tied around them. No little happies. Just plain, clinical-looking, clear boxes with plain cookies in them, and here I was about to add my flair-less stack of store-bought goods to the pile like the slacker mom that I was. Everything about it said “Slacker Mom.”

I pictured all the non-slackers who worked furiously the night before making tiny turkeys out of Little Debbie snack cakes, or whatever it is that they do (I wouldn’t know), and then I pictured the other moms like me who just grabbed whatever random cookies were sitting in the front of the grocery store, and I started laughing so hard that no sound came out.

Secretary #2 started to freak because I was just standing silently (shaking with laughter) with my back to her, staring at the table in front of me. She started apologizing profusely, saying “I’m just kidding! You’re not a slacker! We appreciate them so much! Thank you so much!!” I nodded and waved bye, and as the door shut behind me I heard her call out one more time, “WE APPRECIATE IT!”

I know they do. And I’m totally owning this title from now on. I am a Slacker Mom who shows her love simply by showing up, sipping a coffee, and sharing her enthusiasm.

WHAT MORE DO YOU PEOPLE WANT FROM ME?!

Slacker Mom