Oh man.
A friend recently texted me to check out this website immediately (www.surisburnbook.tumblr.com), and so I did. For anyone who has odd blocks of time on their hands and needs a distraction from real life, I strongly suggest you take a gander.
It also helps if you are one of those people who enjoy pop culture, and like to laugh at the expense of others.
Today I taught my son how to pee in the yard.
I felt really … ill-equipped … for that task. However, in the words of Tim Gunn from Project Runway, we made it work. He stripped naked, I screeched at him DON’T GET IT ON YOUR FEET!!!, so he spread his feet apart and assumed a sumo wrestler-like position.
Then I had to show him how to point and shoot. This is when I really started to wish that his daddy was home.
We are on Day 13 and it’s been rough going over here. TWO has horrible colic, and I am hanging by a thread. We are working to find a solution, but until we find the right formula …
I am hanging by a thread.
Did I already say that?
I have been sleeping in 3-hour stretches. The rest of my time seems to be spent holding TWO and trying to soothe his inconsolable crying, or telling ONE to stop doing such-and-such. Today I didn’t brush my teeth or eat anything until well after noon. During one of TWO’s crazy crying spells, I tried to put on the Moby Wrap and failed miserably. Harmony + Moby Wrap + Screaming Infant = EPIC FAIL.
When my mother-in-law returned from taking ONE on an outing, I had to get out of the house. It’s amazing what a shower, some makeup, and a trip to Starbucks can do for a girl. I went to the baby store, bought an infant carrier that you slip on and snap, listened to Maroon Five and FELT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON.
Thank goodness for mother-in-laws and mothers. I would have definitely lost my mind by now without their help. I know it will get better. Until then, I am clinging to the little things that remind me that while I am now a mother of two, I am also a real person. Neglecting that fact would spell disaster for us all.
TWO is colicky.
Is this my penance for giving up on breastfeeding at day 5?
Pass the wine, please.
Tonight is the Birmingham Mommy Moms Who Rock! event, and I am going to miss it. Free stuff, food, drinks, and music … it’s really hard to say no. But I must, because I am 11 days postpartum and depressing as it might be, I am not nearly back to my old self.
Also, I have nothing cute to wear. Clearly, that’s a problem.
This morning, I brewed myself a pot of strong coffee and decided that, despite the fact that TWO woke up the whole house at 5 a.m. and ONE refused to go back to sleep, therefore foiling my plan to crash on the couch for just a little while … I am going to make the best of it. I will most likely get a really long nap out of ONE over this ordeal. Or, he will scream for two hours in his room. It’s hard to say.
These are some good things that are happening. I am choosing to focus on them:
1. I can drink coffee without regret because I quit breastfeeding.
2. My friend Kellie is sending me to Massage Envy for a little pampering! THANK YOU Kellie, that is something I would probably never have done for myself.
3. My mother is leaving Thursday, and will be immediately replaced by my sweet mother-in-law, who hasn’t seen the baby yet! We are so excited for her to visit (and I welcome an extra set of eyes and arms).
4. And finally, my friend Lesley came over yesterday bringing with her a Moby Wrap. She is letting me borrow it. I was so intimidated by this contraption — it’s 20 feet of fabric and I’m not so great with following instructions — but she patiently demonstrated how to use it and then she put TWO in it to show me how it works.
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| ONE was wearing it like a superman cape, but then got an attitude and refused to pose for me. |
I’m pretty sure this item is going to save my sanity. Here is what it looks like when worn correctly.
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| (source) |
By the time my mother-in-law goes home, I think I’ll be ready to take on the task of mothering these two children by myself. I may even venture out in public with them.
Or I might become a hermit.
This two kid thing is exhausting.
They sure are cute, but OMG. Surely it will get easier. Like once I recover from childbirth, and ONE stops acting like a complete lunatic.
My mother is on her way. Thank you Jesus.
I live in a townhouse. I don’t have a picture of the row of houses, but they all look the same. Here is our door.
You get the idea.
We live next door to a family of totally nice, normal people. The man of the house is a cop and I like that. It makes me feel safe. Their two boys are polite and friendly, and the mom is someone I would feel comfortable leaving my kids with if there was an emergency.
You know how you get a vibe from some people, that they are just nice people? I get that from them.
On the OTHER side of us, lives a weirdo. One day, she might come across this blog and get offended, but to that I’d like to say, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU RUN INTO SOMEONE’S MAILBOX AND NEVER APOLOGIZE OR OFFER TO REPAIR IT. They will tell people you’re weird and/or trashy, that’s what.
I have always gotten a “weirdo — keep away” vibe from this chick and Husband said I was just being snobby. Um, no. My vibes are dead on, thank you. She has all these strange people staying with her and we are constantly having issues with them. Not to mention they all look like they are on parole.
Yesterday, my normal neighbor came over to see the baby. When she walked in she complimented my home, and this is what happened:
Normal Neighbor: Your house always looks so nice and clean, I don’t see how you do it.
Me: I might have just a touch of OCD.
Normal Neighbor: (looks alarmed)
Me: I mean, it’s nothing serious. Just a little touch.
It was then that I realized, I probably shouldn’t joke about that.
Hello. I feel like I am in boot camp.
It’s funny how you forget certain things about having an infant, until you have another one, and then you’re like ohhhhhh … yeah. THIS. I forgot about THIS.
Husband and I have been on our own with ONE and TWO since approximately one hour after we came home from the hospital. He will go back to work on Monday, but don’t worry — my mom is coming to help, and then hopefully my mother-in-law. I have an immense fear of being outnumbered and I am taking strides to avoid it until I have at least physically somewhat recovered from birthing a baby. That takes a lot out of you.
I would like to state here that while Husband has gotten on my nerves APLENTY since we have been home, and there has been some yelling (me), and tears (me again), I do appreciate him and everything he has done. I understand that most straight men are somewhat uncomfortable in a domestic type role and taking care of the caretaker in the family probably seems … odd.
Every day things have gotten a tiny bit better and although I still have a valid fear that ONE is going to haul off and do something absolutely crazy like pick the baby up and carry him up the stairs … and hide him in a closet … I do feel confident that one day soon we will be an adjusted family of four.
Also, I no longer look pregnant. I just look fat.
Modern Mommy Madness 