The Grass Is Always Greener.

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What would I do without coffee??

My little boy woke me up every hour from 11:00-3:00 last night crying and calling for me. I think he might be getting sick. If I was a stay-at-home mom, the lack of sleep would be okay. I could nap. I wouldn’t have to make myself look presentable. I could sleep until everyone else in my house woke up.

But … alas. I have to go to work and function at my best.On days like today, I wish I could just stay home with my boy.

Part of what makes me a mom is the ability to fight through exhaustion, gulp down that coffee, put on my lipstick and start my Thursday.

Girls, we need to give ourselves more credit for being hardcore.

It’s For Charity.

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Today, my main goal was this: to bake several batches of Ultimate Chocolate Chip Cookies for a bake sale that we have going on at work this week. 

Personally, I never ever buy items from bake sales if they appear homemade. You never know who made them or what is in their kitchen. But for some reason I felt the need to bake the cookies myself for this event rather than buy them from the store … even though I would never eat them if I wasn’t the one making them. 

AM I HYPOCRITICAL?! 

Back to baking.

I gathered my items. I turned the oven to 375 and watched old episodes of Jersey Shore while it heated. And judge if you must, but that show is addictive. It’s awesomely bad.

Then, our power went off (it was later restored), the Toddler was extra-difficult, I ran behind schedule, and when I finally, FINALLY was ready to begin baking for real … I ran out of vanilla.

Crisco Ultimate Chocolate Chip Cookies

INGREDIENTS:
  • 3/4 stick Crisco® Baking Sticks Butter Flavor All-Vegetable Shortening
  • OR 3/4 cup Crisco® Butter Flavor All-Vegetable Shortening
  • 1 1/4 cups firmly packed light brown sugar
  • 2 tablespoons milk
  • 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
  • 1 large egg
  • 1 3/4 cups Pillsbury BEST® All Purpose Flour
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 3/4 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1 (6 oz.) package semi-sweet chocolate chips (1 cup)
  • 1 cup coarsely chopped pecans (optional)

DIRECTIONS:

  1. HEAT oven to 375ºF.


  2. COMBINE shortening, brown sugar, milk and vanilla in large bowl. Beat at medium speed of electric mixer until well blended. Beat in egg. Combine flour, salt and baking soda. Mix into shortening mixture until just blended. Stir in chocolate chips and nuts.


  3. DROP by rounded measuring tablespoonfuls 3 inches apart onto ungreased baking sheet. 
     
  4. BAKE 8 to 10 minutes for chewy cookies, or 11 to 13 minutes for crisp cookies. Cool 2 minutes on baking sheet on a cooling rack. Remove cookies to rack to cool completely.


  5. TIP
    * If nuts are omitted, add an additional 1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips




And Just Like That …

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… my stress is O-V-E-R. Well, most of it anyway. I got through my morning without

1. Cursing into the microphone
2. Mispronouncing anyone’s name or title
3. Crying
4. Falling down

And so, I consider today a success. Although I did do that annoying thing that people do that involves walking up to the microphone and then tapping it, whilst saying IS THIS ON?

Alas.

Someone asked me afterwards, “do you like public speaking?” To which I replied “hell-to-the-no.” But it got me thinking … the problem I have seems to be WORRYING about an upcoming event, not the event itself.

My dad has two phrases that he has a tendency to overuse. The first one is, “The only thing you have to fear is fear itself.” I never really got it. But now I think I do. 

The other phrase was “Mind over matter,” which I TOTALLY got from day one.

I’m the Queen of Checking Out In Odd Or Uncomfortable Situations.

Facts.

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Right now I should be practicing the speech that I have to give at 9:00 tomorrow morning in front of approximately 1,000 of my co-workers. Of said co-workers, 4 of them are family members. There will also be friends, people I can’t stand, my boss, my boss’ boss, and the Vice President of Operations.

I REALLY should be practicing.

But instead, I’m doing this. My latest coping mechanism seems to be writing emails, blogs, or Facebook status updates when I should really be dealing with something more pressing.

Fact: I just went for a walk with my ipod and a shoeless, muscular teenage boy wearing a fairy costume popped out of the bushes and ran alongside me for awhile. 

Fact: the boy-fairy’s friend was videotaping our interaction, and informed me it will be on YouTube later tonight.

Fact: I have discovered how to make a Starbucks-like mocha IN MY OWN KITCHEN!

Ingredients:

  •  2 T Hershey’s Cocoa powder
  • 2 T Sugar
  • A dash of salt 
  • 1 cup milk (or 1/2 cup milk and 1/2 cup half and half)
  • 1 cup very strong coffee
  • Whipped topping

I mixed it all up on the stove and I have to say, it was excellent. And the best part is, it did not cost $5.

So …

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What did you do on Saturday night?

I attended a Murder Mystery party. Of course, the theme was “Psycho Circus.” I mean … what else could it possibly be?

Anna and I shared a babysitter. When that poor girl arrived to take over watching our crazy-ass children, we RAN out the door. Literally.
 
I was Harriet the “Horse Woman” and although I was ridiculed endlessly about how I looked like I’d gotten bucked off the horse a few too many times I at least had the presence of mind to take pictures. 

 


Hello, clown.

Here is our hostess … I think she played the part of “Tuppance” the contortionist? Who was also a food vendor … I think.

From left to right: A gypsy, a contortionist food vendor, and a special-ed horse woman. With her horse.

Did you know that Walmart now sells microwaveable boiled peanuts?? They were a big hit.

Our hostess couldn’t stay away from them.















There were cupcakes … 











Hot dogs … popcorn …

And a bearded lady.

Double Sinks … in an instant.

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This is where the miracles happen.

How did I ever operate with a single sink? I guess no matter how large of a lavatory space I have, I’m going to use all of it.

I keep thinking I need to simplify or pare down my morning routine, but I have no idea how to do this. In fact, I keep adding to it.

I continue to discover new products.

My latest discovery is Clarins Instant Smooth Perfecting Touch. It’s foundation primer that is supposed to conceal lines, pores and imperfections, “in an instant.” You can see it in the picture above in the red container. It came with a “spatula” that I was supposed to use to apply it with, but I disliked that.

However … it’s 6 p.m. and my makeup hasn’t worn off yet like it normally does. I don’t look greasy, either. I think this purchase was worth the $32 I spent on it.

Pep Talk.

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Yesterday I called my husband from work and said “I need a pep talk.”

Silence.

I said, “I need you to tell me everything is going to be okay.”

He said, “Everything is going to be okay.”

Then I informed him that I needed to hear him say “you can do it.” So he did.

It was an odd exchange, but it worked.

Insomnia.

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It is 3:44 a.m. and I have been awake for two hours.

WHY?? 

Well … it’s a combination of my husband’s snoring and the fact that I have awful cramps which made it impossible to go back to sleep once I was startled awake at 1:30 by the freight train lying next to me.

What sealed this deal was the Midol Complete that I took to make my pain stop, which (I found out too late) has caffeine in it. I tried everything to lull myself back to sleep, including the following:

1. Counting backwards from 10, then 100
2. Visualizing myself going to sleep
3. Systematically relaxing myself, yoga-style, one limb at a time … this was nice, but ineffective
4. Kicking my spouse repeatedly until I felt guilty

At 3:00 I said a bad word, bit the bullet, and got up. Currently I’m listening to the rain, drinking coffee (yes, I realize this is going to bring the cramps right back, thankyoukbye) and trying to complete an article that is NOT. GOING. WELL.

I forsee a long day in my future. Happy Monday!